Is There a New Mother in the House?

Dr. Roger McIntire

Last in the series about childhood disasters.

The bad news is our nation still has the biggest problem. Great Britain's average is about 25 and France averages less than 15. But the bad news continues with abortion rates highest in New Jersey (47 per 1,000 girls 15 to 19) and an national average over 25 - greater than the total pregnancy rate for young women in any other industrialized country.

Stanley Henshaw, a senior fellow at the Guttmacher Institute, said one factor in the increase of abortions is the lawsuits over Norplant, a contraceptive implant that turns out to be difficult to remove. The product has been taken from the market. Also, Henshaw said, economic and welfare policy changes have raised costs of having a child. This should slow both pregnancy and abortion rates and it has among high-income women. However, for low-income women, who have the majority of unwanted pregnancies, both pregnancy and abortion rates have increased 20 percent.

May is Teenage Pregnancy Prevention Month. Ask about the programs planned in your middle school and high school now and volunteer to help. For parents and teachers in the U.S. it is particularly appropriate to be concerned about the problem. The accidents cost a lot.

The first cost is the burden on the family, the altered life plans and careers, the grief, guilt, embarrassment, blame, charges, and demands on the girl, boy and parents.

Even if you only consider monetary costs, your help can pay off. The cost to taxpayers is about $37,000 for each teen birth over the lifetime of the mother and child. Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) cost a huge amount more for diagnosis and treatments.

So your daughter has almost a 1 in 10 chance of becoming pregnant, and both sons and daughters are at three times that risk for STDs. This is not just a "girl problem."

Before bringing this up with your teenager, a little self-inspection is in order. What do you want to say to your son about his responsibilities in a relationship? What message does he get in the non-serious moments about his attitude toward women and sex? What do you want to say about contraceptives? Abortion? At what age is this conversation necessary?

Alcohol is the most common excuse young women give for making the big mistake, "I couldn't help it, I was drunk." What attitudes should a parent model on this subject?

When it's time to get serious, reserve your answers and advice until your teen has a chance to express his/her opinion. Before you give all your guidance, you need to learn what they know, or think they know. Remember that one session on this topic will not be enough, so conclusions and the "You should...," "Don't ever...," and "Be careful not to..." don't have to be said in the first conversation.

This may be the most important part of your influence on your son's or daughter's future. Take your time. If your emotions take over, your teen may not listen and the next argument may involve a baby.

Dr. McIntire is the author of Teenagers and Parents: 10 Steps to a Better Relationship and Raising Good Kids in Tough Times. Write him through the CCBS or go to www.ParentSuccess.com.

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