Raising Good Kids in Tough Times:

The School Morning Rush to Send-Off

Dr. Roger McIntire

This is no surprise to any parent who has had to replace the school bus because her little procrastinators missed the yellow one. After Mom finally gets them out of the house and has a moment to relax, they REAPPEAR at the door, "Mom, the bus was gone!"

Notice they don't say WE missed the bus, they say IT was gone. Who's fault is this? The bus driver for coming right when she was supposed to?

The best progress on this problem will come from getting the priorities straight. If the most pleasant parts of the morning routine come first, and life's regular drudgeries, like finding your socks, are left until you hear the brakes of the bus, the procrastination will only get worse.

So the enjoyable parts of the morning - breakfast, comics and fooling around - need to follow getting dressed, last-minute homework, and lunch decisions. It's too easy to procrastinate if you dread the task.

Another tempting strategy is to just say, "Well, if you miss the bus you'll suffer the consequences." But the consequences will include a more complicated day for Mom and Dad, or at least one of them. For the kids just missing school might be OK. They would suffer in the long run, but children don't often think 10 minutes into the future, thats how we got into this problem in the first place.

The consequences have to come in smaller amounts and at the time the choices of what to do next are being made. Here's a suggestion to make the situation a little easier. Develop a regular morning routine with the most procrastinated parts early. If dressing is always a chore and breakfast is always a playtime, then dressing first will help. Dressing first, shoes on, then downstairs for breakfast. If playtime, reading, and TV are the troublesome parts, then homework, books and papers together and ready to go must come first, then the last-minute play or read.

One mother I know uses stickers for getting each task done in order and on time every morning. Another Mom uses points on the allowance chart - one point for getting dressed by 10 minutes of seven, one for having all the items for school ready at the door by seven o'clock. Then the less crucial activities can proceed without points.

Many parents I talk to about the morning problem also offer this advice: Pay attention in the morning. A little extra appreciation for getting the morning tasks done and extra conversation and attention at breakfast, are appreciated. If your child seems unresponsive, it's still best to try out a few days before deciding, "She's just not a morning person."

Parents themselves are rushed in the morning but a few early moments with the kids will give the day a better, and not so lonely, start. School problems you would ordinarily never hear about often bubble up on school mornings. Don't try to reach conclusions in these brief moments. A rushed morning conversation is not a good time for arguments either. It is a good time for listening and a positive send-off.

Dr. McIntire is the author of Teenagers and Parents: 10 Steps to a Better Relationship and Raising Good Kids in Tough Times. For more information see Parentsuccess.com. For publications, visit the CCBS bookstore.

Dr. Roger McIntire taught child psychology and family counseling at the University of Maryland for 32 years, where he conducted research and did applied work with parents and teachers. He has published several books, for both professionals and parents, appears often on radio and television talk shows, and writes a weekly column, Raising Good Kids in Tough Times, for the Martinsburg (WV) Journal. He received the 2001 Award for Effective Presentation of Behavior Analysis in the Mass Media, from the Association for Behavior Analysis. He is a father and grandfather. You can find out more about his publications at parentsuccess.com.

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