Demands of a New Baby

Dr. Roger McIntire

This serious commitment is sometimes lost in family activities — especially when a new baby joins the household. New mothers often ask about how to get their baby on a schedule. Mom wants the baby on a regular eating and sleeping pattern to accommodate her need for rest and a life of her own. But babies are single-minded and neither Mom nor baby can accommodate many demands from other members of the family.

Siblings will not fully understand their mother's new responsibilities. Rivalry and dissatisfaction are bound to be a part of the adjustment for a sister or brother now asked to share the number one priority. Demands by other family members will have to take an even lower priority.

Laundry, lunches, cleaning, and dinner chores need to be shared activities in any household. When a new baby comes along, sharing is doubly important. Other adults must understand that Mom has to care for her own health in order to remain a healthy mother able to take care of the baby.

Live-in grandparents can be a challenge to a young family because grandpas and grandmas tend to offer more advice and criticism than help. Here's a place where helping can teach more than lectures. If grandma has an opinion about how to change the diaper, the best way to present it is to offer to help. The challenge of, "Let me show you" is not the best introduction. It's better just to pitch in and let the learning happen from observation.

Grandpa can set an example for a reluctant husband. An occasional prodding of husband and siblings (Let's make dinner so our new mother doesn't have to do it) can cheer up an atmosphere better than additional grumbling.

This is not a time when an infant's schedule can be changed to fit adult demands. It's OK for Mom to ask her husband and live-in relatives to accept a few inconveniences and take care of themselves.

Often a mother needs the support and advice of other parents. Church and community organizations may have parenting groups. The La Leche League International can also be a good source of support, not only for nursing, diet, and health practices but also for support in negotiating with family members who may not understand a mother's priorities.

Chapters of Moms Clubs provide an opportunity for companionship and advice from mothers who have "been there" and have faced similar challenges. See Momsclub.org on the net. It's hard to match the companionship and advice from mothers who have "been there."

Special care and time are precious gifts for an infant. It will be paid back many times in the baby's childhood and throughout his life.

Dr. McIntire is the author of Teenagers and Parents: 10 Steps to a Better Relationship and Raising Good Kids in Tough Times. For more information see Parentsuccess.com. For publications, visit the CCBS bookstore.

Dr. Roger McIntire taught child psychology and family counseling at the University of Maryland for 32 years, where he conducted research and did applied work with parents and teachers. He has published several books, for both professionals and parents, appears often on radio and television talk shows, and writes a weekly column, Raising Good Kids in Tough Times, for the Martinsburg (WV) Journal. He received the 2001 Award for Effective Presentation of Behavior Analysis in the Mass Media, from the Association for Behavior Analysis. He is a father and grandfather. You can find out more about his publications at parentsuccess.com.

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