Babies Starting Right

Dr. Roger McIntire

In addition to the mother’s age, Tremblay found physical aggression more likely if the mother was a runaway, involved with police as a teenager, smoked during pregnancy, or came from a low-income household. Children whose mother had all four of these factors were 10 times more likely to be chronically aggressive.

Most antisocial behavior programs start too late, Tremblay said. The child is already bullying or being otherwise antisocial in school.

On the lighter side of early development, Alex Rosen, now 11, spent his babyhood thumbing through magazines while his fellow one-year-olds played with simple toys. By the time he was 3, he would correct his mother if she skipped reading a line in a story by placing her finger on the missed passage.

Alex has hyperlexia, a condition opposite to the learning disorder, dyslexia. He has a very advanced ability to identify individual sounds while reading and also an advanced ability to manipulate those sounds in his head. But he had trouble understanding what he read and was delayed in learning to speak.

He now speaks in a normal fashion but uses the cadence of written speech and he avoids interjections such as “like” that many youngsters his age use incessantly.

But Alex is running for his student council and may win because he is a fearless public speaker. Alex seems about normal in any other category outside of reading.

Gifts in maturity, understanding, and sensitive social skills are not easy to detect. Schools reserve the term, “gifted,” for students advanced in math, music or language – areas where symbolism is a central factor.

Gifted in basketball may not be a lifelong advantage. Gifted in math will not be enough for success and satisfaction in life. And as the biographies on TV constantly tell us, gifted in music, basketball, math or attractive features is no guarantee of happiness.

The blames for a child’s shortcomings in early childhood often focus on the parents as in the case of Tremblay’s babies. Credits for successes are likely to go to fortunate gifts in brain functions as in the case of Alex.

But helpful parents deserve daily credit beyond what a scientific study can discover. They can help in all cases by watching for chances to bolster confidence and by avoiding the straight diet of advice, quick fixes, and focus on shortcomings that hit vulnerable spots.

Like many of us, children and teens don’t handle compliments well. They often feel an obligation to brush off positive remarks. But parents who look for chances to support the best in their children establish confidence and self-esteem.

“Practice what you want to become” is a good rule for children. “Model what you want your children to practice” is a good rule for parents.

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