Raising Good Kids in Tough Times: Giving for Growing

Dr. Roger McIntire

For those couch potatoes and weighty web-surfers, another computer game or CD may be in the wrong direction. And for the teen too preoccupied with his or her looks, another cool or cute sweater may also be off the mark.

With the challenge of understanding terrorism and our war in the Middle East, maybe we should apply a different standard this year, that of “Giving for Growing.” This standard would open a new door instead of feeding an appetite for more mindless entertainment or cool clothes.

Here are some giving-for-growing suggestions I've heard from parents. They may provide an answer for that child or teenager on your list who is already too far into computer games, music channels, and bad movies for his or her own good.

How about an audio-book to interrupt the steady diet of music? Your local bookstore will have a selection or you could search “audio books” on Amazon.com or browse booksontape.com.

While you're looking, check out some regular gift books such as a pictorial history of our country's farms, industry, military, trains, cars, or national parks. Classics such as Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, or David Copperfield, could give hours of reading enjoyment to a teenager usually immersed in sit coms and dot coms.

A chess set and the promise of time to teach the game might spark a new hobby that lasts beyond Christmas week. Speaking of hobbies, how about a model train starter set, a first tropical fish tank, or materials for beginning a collection of insects, shells, or coins. Possibly a starter camera set to a budding artist would trigger an interest in photography.

A year's subscription to “Living Planet,” “Discover Magazine,” “Astronomy,” or other adventure or hobby magazine is a good choice. Or a share or two of stock to follow in the paper can provide some education about how the financial world works.

These gifts can present a child with a new notion that says it's OK to be interested in things that others ignore. You don't have to follow the crowd to the mall.

I still favor my Aunt Emily's habit of giving “services.” Short on cash, her card to me when I was a Chicago teenager included a note, “Good for one day-trip to the Museum of Science and Industry.” I still remember our lunch together at the museum, but I don't remember the details of any other gift that year.

Service gifts can be inconvenient gifts to give, but time is a most irreplaceable gift. In the long run it is the most appreciated kind of giving for growing.

If a service gift sounds too corny for your child, grandchild, nephew or niece, add it to a card on your regular gift or carry out a secret promise to give time for nurturing a child's growth next year.

Making the World a Better Place is pleased to host a series on Raising Good Kids in Tough Times, drawn from the book written by Dr. Roger McIntire.

Dr. Roger McIntire taught child psychology and family counseling at the University of Maryland for 32 years, where he conducted research and did applied work with parents and teachers. He has published several books, for both professionals and parents, appears often on radio and television talk shows, and writes a weekly column, Raising Good Kids in Tough Times, for the Martinsburg (WV) Journal. He received the 2001 Award for Effective Presentation of Behavior Analysis in the Mass Media, from the Association for Behavior Analysis. He is a father and grandfather. You can find out more about his publications at parentsuccess.com.

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