Preparing for the End of Life

If you have had the forethought to prepare for your death, many of the things that need to be done have already been handled at a much less stressful time. Having a living will allows your family to make decisions based upon your wishes. Having an up-to-date will ensures that your possessions will be given to those whom you wish. If you have already discussed with your loved ones–prior to becoming ill–where you wish to be buried or where you wish to have your ashes scattered, then the difficult decision is made with thought and reflection and before you are confronted with its reality. It is also wise to make sure your papers–life insurance, savings accounts, etc.–are in order and easily located, which will make it much easier for those whose responsibility it is to take care of these matters.

Cowards die many times
before their deaths;
The valiant never taste
of death but once.
Of all the wonders that
I yet have heard,
It seems to me most strange
that men should fear;
Seeing that death,
a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.

William Shakespeare
Julius Caeser [1599]

Perhaps the biggest fear of death is that the pain will be too great. But there is no reason why this should be so. Pain management is an essential component of end-of-life care. Don't be afraid to seek out palliative medicine; it is meant to keep you comfortable. Most hospitals provide such service either within the hospital or in your own home.

With the practical and painful matters settled, you can then spend your remaining time in close communion with those who are caring for you. Frequently, people have spoken of this time as remarkably beautiful and moving. While not wishing to romanticize the end of life, it is often the case that people are brought much closer together and poignant conversations occur that are almost impossible at any other time. Connections form among those who are with you at the end of life, and these connections remain until the end of their lives. It is a time to bring people together and to make whole and complete your life. If you view this time as yet another journey, your peacefulness will have a deep and abiding influence on everyone who comes in contact with you. In a moving quote taken from her diary, Anne Frank summarized very well each of our responsibilities. She wrote:
“[Daddy] said: ‘All children must look after their own upbringing.’ Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.” (July 15, 1944)

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